Is there in truth no beauty?
I don't understand people. Someone may spend weeks, months, years trying to find someone attractive who'll go out with them while they may be 'just friends' with a plainer person of the opposite sex whose company they enjoy. I don't want ugly, but if I wanted simply good looks and affection, with little or no common interests, I'd get a pedigree show dog.
In school, I was never that popular. Most of the kids in my classes were simply aquaintances. A few I would talk to regularly. An even smaller number were friends. Only one was male (in 7 or so years of public schooling, 3rd-9th grade), and I can't remember much more than that we were both in the Culture Club and had the same art class. In no way was it any sort of 'romantic' relationship. I wasn't interested at the time, not that any guys ever showed interest in asking me out either (reading Star Trek books in class can do that, I suppose).
I guess that is part of what amazes me online: guys seem interested in me, to a degree, even though they don't know my REAL name (nope, my name isn't 'AnneLions', nor is it 'Aidoann' or 'Dhivael') and haven't seen any pictures of me. For all most of them know, I could be an ugly hag: I'd like, however, to think I'm not unattractive… even if I don't wear designer clothes, don't do my hair up fancy and wear flip-flops all the time. (Taleweaver says too many people are 'obsessed' with me. I think he's obsessed with pointing out how people are 'obsessed' with me. Hi Tale!) At the very least, I seem to be rather likable and unforgetable, to both males and females online.
And I have no idea why.
Even if it is mostly losers (as my mother comments about MU*ers from time to time) online, even the losers at school did not particularly like me. Not that anybody HATED me (so far as I know), but I did not exactly have people clamoring to be my friend. Even the other geeks/nerds were not exactly friendly. I didn't try particularly hard in school to be friendly with people, nor do I try particularly hard now.
So why now? The internet certainly is interesting and perplexing.
I suppose, perhaps, the answer could be that I've finally found my 'niche'. People that're like me (now that's a scary thought…), but where were these people when I was in school?
In the end, which triumphs: beauty or brains? Online, you can only be sure of one.
It'll be interesting to see what happens when I get to college.
